


Un Deux

by kyoselflove



Category: DEZERT (Band), Dir en grey, Jrock
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Blood, Control Issues, Homelessness, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mildly Dubious Consent, Rape, Sexual Content, Trust Issues, Underage Prostitution, Violence, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-03-15 23:34:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3466157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyoselflove/pseuds/kyoselflove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Together they were like the wind, unseen by the others around them, quiet.  Running through the darkened damp streets with ease was their specialty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Something to motivate me to write more...

Together they were like the wind, unseen by the others around them, quiet. Running through the darkened damp streets with ease was their specialty. Never were they broken apart for more than a few moments, always keeping each other’s sides warm. They were free, nothing tying them down, never had they known the comfort of a home and the love shared between families. All they needed was each other; together they were one.

Once they had come to a stop, he noticed how wet the bottom of his pants were, clinging to his ankle. A shiver ran through his body, this night brought on a chill, the season on the brink of fall. His fingers were interlaced with Chiaki’s, as his other hand clenched at the torn fabric of his hoodie. 

This was one of the moments where they would separate much to his disliking, but Chiaki assured him it was for the better, and he always came back. 

Before entering the back of the small restaurant, Chiaki gave him a confident smile, a smudge of dirt smeared under his lips. He wanted to clear away the filth from his face, to see the beauty that hid underneath, but Chiaki wouldn’t allow it. There was a lot he didn’t understand, maybe he lacked smarts, but it had never mattered before.

“Totchi, remember if I’m not back in five—“

“I know.” Wrapping his arms around himself, he bit his lip, trying to hold back a sob. Always hating when Chiaki said that. Chiaki would be back. 

“Okay.” And then Chiaki disappeared. The sound of the screen door slapping against its frame making him jump. The weather couldn’t have picked a more impeccable time than now, perfectly matching his mood as a cold drizzle fell upon him. His tattered clothes doing nothing to protect him from bitter cold.

Holding his breath, he tried to recall how much time had passed. Even if five minutes had gone by, he would stay here, waiting. On the left side of his body, he could feel the warmth fading away and it made his heart clench. Just when he was going to begin dwindling into his worrisome thoughts, the screen door smacked against the wall again.

Chiaki didn’t glance at him, moving to lean against the brick wall, shoving a finger down his throat, releasing the contents that had just entered his body. A ritual Chiaki did every time he returned to his side, he rummaged through his bag, finding a tiny container of mints, readying it for Chiaki. In silence, he handed over the sweets and Chiaki tossed a piece of bread at him, which he caught before it hit the ground of the alleyway.

Scarfing down the piece of stale starch, he went back to Chiaki’s side, holding his hand. Next stop was to find a place where they could be alone. Weaving in between the crowds, he constantly let Chiaki lead the way. Chiaki always knew best.

He tried not to whine when they were going to use shelter underneath a bridge. Loathing that it was so dirty and others were around. But it did protect them from the freezing rain. Older men and a few other teenagers were huddled over a barrel of fire. The flames capturing his eyes, keeping him set in a trance. Chiaki tugged him away from the group, settling their bags against one of the pillars.

Bringing his knees to his chest, Chiaki ate his piece of bread, now that the taste of the baker was gone from his mouth. Sitting down next to Chiaki, he scooted as close as possible. Leaning in, he gave Chiaki a kiss on the cheek, just above the smudge of dirt. 

A laugh from the group of others had Chiaki’s vision trained on them, seeing them as a threat. Not liking it here anymore than he did. One of them staggered over, the grasp on his hand tightened. 

“Why don’t you two come where it’s warm?” The man reeked of more than just booze, making him feel ill. Chiaki just glared, leaving him to deal with the unwanted stranger.

“We’re fine, thank you.” His voice was deep, many were left startled when he talked, and this man was no different. Still standing there, with a look where he was decided if they were still worth it or not, Chiaki became irritated, he could sense his emotions, as if they were his own.

“Fuck off old man!” Chiaki’s body shifted, as if to stand, but he held him down, locking their arms together. Grumbling, the man let them be, for which he was grateful. 

He felt shattered, tired and hungry; placing his head on Chiaki’s shoulder, he soaked in the little comfort it offered. For so long he had been craving more than what Chiaki would give him. Wanting to feel him inside of him, explore his frail body with his cracked lips. Even settling for a kiss on his lips would suffice. 

The sudden commotion of two teens and a different older man walking towards them had him frightened. Just for one night, he wanted peace and for Chiaki to hold him. “How ‘bout you two get off our turf?” 

This time Chiaki stood, smacking away his hands in a feeble attempt to keep Chiaki away from trouble. It happened to fast, hands flew in the air, smacks of skin along with the crunch of bone. He scooted away, still sitting, hands clamped over his mouth. 

As it all began to register into his mind, he jumped to his feet. Screaming at them to stop, three against one, Chiaki never had a chance. The older man pulled away, hands bloodied, and then grabbed a hold of him, brining him close enough to smell his foul breath. “Your face is to pretty.” A grimy hand slid against the curve of his cheek, making him back up into the pillar. 

Using what small strength he could muster up, he managed to push the drunken man away. Crawling on the ground, he covered his body over Chiaki’s shielding him from the pointless blows that came, just for uttering a few impolite words. One hit landed on his back, before they withdrew, curses falling from their lips. This wasn’t the first time, but it continued to confuse him why Chiaki would bother with it, when clearly keeping his mouth shut would have been more beneficial. 

Chiaki moved his split lips; his white teeth stained red became visible as his mouth changed into a smile. “Fuckers.” Looking at Chiaki’s hands, they were pristine. Not a single scrape of flesh, he didn’t even land a fist on any of them. It didn’t make sense, Chiaki never did. An attribute that he had come to adore; wishing himself to be spontaneous instead of careful. 

Gazing upon Chiaki’s swollen and bloody face, he still could see how beautiful Chiaki was. Without thought, his lips pressed against Chiaki’s wounds, the swell of his cheekbone, and the break of his nose. A hand traveled up his back, landing in his hair, pulling him closer. The first thing to register in his simple mind; the metallic taste of Chiaki’s blood. He found himself loving the flavor, yearning for more, needing to feel all there was to offer before Chiaki pulled away.

The moment had been so perfect, he nearly forgot about the men who did this were just few meters away. Trying to help Chiaki up was when he realized the injuries Chiaki had endured were more severe than he thought. Pulling away the soiled fabric of Chiaki’s hoodie, he could see the pale flesh turning a different shade purple, starting from his chest down to his lower abdomen, where he let his eyes linger.

Covering himself once again, Chiaki growled. “I’m fine.”

After grabbing what little belongings they owned, their feet were once again on the road to nowhere. Blending in with the bustling crowds of Tokyo, the pair completely out of the ordinary yet ignored, forgotten. It was the way he always saw it, they were discarded from the rest of society. 

A tug on his hand, brought him closer to Chiaki, he rested his hands on Chiaki’s firm chest, watching as the rain cleansed the blood and grime from that handsome face. “I can get us a room for the night.”

He knew what Chiaki would have to do for such a luxury; yet the chill in his bones from never-ending turn of weather made him selfishly nod his head. 

Being led to another part of the city, the streets became less crowded and darker. Making him already regret his decision, but he knew Chiaki knew what was right for them. The hotel was small and tall, squished behind a skyscraper tucked in a dark alley. Judging by the scantly clad women, he knew where they were, and he didn’t like it one bit. 

He half expected Chiaki to leave his side, to do his business but this time he stood firmly beside him. An old plump man came from a small room, a huge smile plastered on his face. “Chiaki! What are you doing here?”

“I just need to pull a few tricks to get a room for the night.” Chiaki always held an apathetic expression, his rare moments of emotions saved just for him.

“With a face like that? I can take him instead.” A finger pointed at him, he immediately tilted his head, eyes wide, towards Chiaki.

“They don’t need to look at my fucking face.” He waited for Chiaki to grip his hand tighter but he didn’t and it worried him even more. So he looked around the room, noticing that there were what he could only assume as whores, lounged about waiting. “You’re not having him.” Chiaki’s blank look had become dark.

“Since you two are so bonded, I have an offer.” The older man gestured to Chiaki, who barely leaned in any closer. “A client would love to watch you both.”

Chiaki pulled back, “Forget it.”

“Please…” He whined, at this point he would do anything to sleep with Chiaki on a warm bed for the night. If all they had to do was let another man watch them, then so be it.

One of the whores caught his eye, offering him a smile. The sooner they could leave to their own space the better.

Still contemplating, Chiaki looked back at him, conflicted. A few moments later, Chiaki nodded his head, giving his approval to the perverted man’s wish. Maybe a few more words were exchanged, but he grew tired of looking at the man. Choosing to curl his body closer and bury his face in Chiaki’s neck.

It wasn’t much longer when he found himself in a cozy room but Chiaki told him it wasn’t theirs for the night. He could feel his eyes drooping, muscles aching, and the rumble of his tummy; to hear that made them all the more prominent. “Why not?”

Chiaki sat on the edge of the bed, fisting the cheap blanket; he was angry. He never liked it when Chiaki became like this. Feeling that there could be a small chance where Chiaki felt the need to take that rage out on him, even though it had never happened. And never would.

“Toshiya…” A hand on his hip guided him to sit on Chiaki’s lap, his knees resting on the bed on each side of Chiaki’s thighs. He let his hands roam over Chiaki’s chest, loving the close contact that he had regularly desired. “We’re going to take a shower and when we are done, a man will be waiting for us.” He watched as Chiaki’s forehead wrinkled, his lips set in a frown. Being held so intimately by Chiaki had him not worrying about the stranger that would appear soon.

Warm spurts of clean water, combined with the comforting arms of Chiaki felt like a taste of heaven. Words were whispered into his ear, a mental preparation for what was to come. The liquid gathered at the drain, tinged brown, had him feeling almost normal again. Imagining that this simple shower had been a continuous routine that Chiaki and him did every morning. Closing his eyes, he dreamed of waking up in a fluffy bed, his limbs tangled with Chiaki’s underneath the sheets. He let his head fall back against the tile when Chiaki turned him around, Chiaki’s face clean of all the fifth, just leaving the swelling and cuts.

A tender kiss placed on his temple and then one on his lips had him wondering if this was part of preparation or if Chiaki actually meant it. Fingers clasped around his wrist, tracing his protruding vein, while Chiaki’s other hand slid between the curve of his backside. His body jolted at the foreign touch, but soon relaxed when his eyes met Chiaki’s.

In his throat, a sound erupted from his vocal cords, struggling to come out; his hands gripped Chiaki’s shoulders. The water continued to spray over their naked flesh, he leaned forward when Chiaki moved inside of him, droplets running down his nose, splattering in his eyes, making him close them.

“Look at me.”

Opening his fluttering eyes, he took in Chiaki’s appearance; his hold on Chiaki began to mark the flesh. Chiaki no longer seemed mad, the way his Adam’s apple moved rapidly, his solemn eyes…

“Let me pleasure you.” He whispered, moving one hand down Chiaki’s chest, intent on doing as he said. But Chiaki grabbed his wandering arm with his free hand, placing it back on his shoulder. 

He held Chiaki closer, crying on to his shoulder when he felt himself being stretched further. Somewhere deep inside of him, an enjoyable sensation was building, it had him wrapping his legs around Chiaki’s waist and edging on the fingers in him deeper.

Just as he felt the burning pit of his stomach become stronger there was a knock on the door, stilling Chiaki instantly. “You two done in there?”

Exiting the welcoming shower, a distance stood between them, Chiaki had a towel loosely hanging off his hips while he was wrapped up in a robe, holding it firmly. Opening the door, a normal looking older man sat in the lone chair across from the bed. 

“What are you fourteen?” The stranger glanced over his body; he pulled the robe closer to himself. Truth was, he didn’t even know how many years it was since his birth. 

“Does it matter?” Chiaki spit out dropping the towel, making him bow his head so he could look at Chiaki’s naked body without the gaze from the older man. But he couldn’t ignore the pleased sound that came from the man. The tinted flesh from Chiaki’s beating didn’t seem to faze the stranger.

Robe discarded, he stood still, his flesh exposed for Chiaki to take. As Chiaki pushed him down on the plush mattress, he smiled. Tonight they would really become one. Just for one night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for updating the fic only one person reads xD

The sore aches of his muscles gave him a reminder of what had transpired last night. Lips curving up, he snuggled back into the heat that Chiaki had surrounded him in. It had become clear to him how much he needed Chiaki’s warmth; it fueled the very pits of his soul. 

Deep inside of him, there was the phantom feeling of Chiaki still there. Wanting that memory to become a reality again, he nipped at the scar on Chiaki’s shoulder. “Hm?” Chiaki didn’t open his eyes, though Chiaki had awakened, running his hand up and down the length of his back. The roughness of Chiaki’s hands felt enlightening against his own smooth unmarked skin.

Fingers danced across Chiaki’s chest, swirling around the blue hued welts, nails scraping over the raised skin. Another fantasy in his mind, how long would this last? Being in a clean bed with Chiaki, in this moment, he wanted it to continue as long as the sun continued to shine. But eventually the sun had to set, bringing only darkness.

A childish dream, he knew, but such thoughts settled the overworking worries of his mind.

Knock. Knock.

Such a short time, not even one cycle of a day and it was over, gone. Chiaki removed himself from his hold, legs dangling over the bed. Both still nude, it didn’t bother either of them. After a sigh, Chiaki rose up and answered the door.

There stood the perverted man. “Time’s up. Unless you plan on taking on more clients?” 

“No.” And with that Chiaki shut the door on the man. Attention back on him, looking at his fingers, he pulled at the fabric of the sheets, something so simple yet so yearned for. 

“Chiaki—“

“No.”

There was no use; he would never win. He didn’t know why he even challenged Chiaki in the first place. Since Chiaki knew best. Always. A swelling in his heart fluttered through him, queasiness in the lower half of his abdomen. “Chiaki, please.” Blinking, a small circle of grey stained the white sheets; he touched his cheek, wet. The glossy tears on his fingers held his attention while he waited for the inevitable. 

“I said. No.”

The only sound in the room being that clicks and clanks of the old heater, trying to keep up with the turn of weather. If they were to go back outside, how would they survive the night? He couldn’t understand why it was so hard to just repeat last night again for a room. It had been beautiful; he hadn’t even acknowledged the eyes that were on them. Everything he had ever wanted he received last night. Even though Chiaki never said it, he knew that Chiaki loved him. But he would do anything to hear the cliché words fall from Chiaki’s chapped lips. 

Instead, a throaty reply entered the room. “Let’s go.”

 

Outside, the world was dying, trees loosing the last glimmer of life as the leaves fell. Only to be reborn again. He pondered if him and Chiaki would be born again after they died. 

The air had become even more frigid, his toes felt numb even through his boots. As they walked to an unknown location, he leaned in and hooked his arm with Chiaki. Endless faces, endless locations, he was so tired. It would be better if they would just stop, holding each other until the end.

Often he thought of just ending it, wondering if Chiaki would help him and join in. Though he had become to frightened to ask, feeling ungrateful for all the hardships Chiaki had endured just for him to survive at least a bit more comfortably. As their walk continued, Chiaki fell down to one knee, hand gripping his side. “Chiaki!” He was worried, knowing that those wounds looked worse than they really were.

Chiaki tried to talk but ended up coughing instead, a spray of blood coloring the ground before them. “You need help!”

Grunting, Chiaki rose from the ground, wiping the blood that stained his mouth. “No one is going to help me.”

“Don’t say that! You don’t know that.” What started out as a scream trailed off into a whisper. 

“We need to keep going.”

He had enough keep going where? To nowhere. “No!”

A rare glint of anger flashed in Chiaki’s eyes. “Don’t start.”

His arm was grabbed, the touch scorched his skin, every time Chiaki had held him, skin on skin, it felt like this. One of the reasons he knew that this was true love. “I’m not stupid.” Naïve maybe, but he felt he had some smarts left in his brain. “You’re dying and being to stubborn to do anything about it!” It was the first time he had come to think that Chiaki in fact did not always know best.

“Totchi, please. Just drop it.”

And just like that, they were back to their awry way. Silence fell over them, thick as the layer of snow laying itself down on the dirty streets. Turning the pure white to a murky sludge. Behind them, a trail of red drops mixed in with the fresh snow before disappearing into the mud.

Chiaki limped on to him, caught off guard, it had them both falling to wet ground. A rapid amount of curse words were edging on his tongue, but he swallowed them all back down when he saw Chiaki’s face. Eyes fluttering, body shaking; all he could do was hold on to him tight, screaming at anyone to help him, help Chiaki, help them. People continued to walk by, not even taking a glance in their direction.

As he sobbed over Chiaki’s convulsing body, he damned them all. A prime example of the cruel society, another reason all he needed was Chiaki. But he was loosing the one he needed at that very moment.

The hope of rescue, of anything, removed itself from his mind completely. He sat defeated and weak; helpless. Chiaki had stopped moving and he was too afraid to see if he was still breathing.

Melted dirty snow soaked his clothes, but he was already numb. 

“An ambulance is on the way, are you alright?” Startled, he looked up from Chiaki’s paling face to see an older man, he looked kind and was handsome compared to the other perverted man.

“Chiaki…” 

 

*

 

It seemed to take hours to receive nothing. Constant thoughts ventured dark. Sitting in the cheap plastic chair, waiting for news, his lingering hope of Chiaki stubbornly holding on still. The kind man sat next to him, his knee brushing against his, making him eerily uncomfortable. This had been the longest he had gone without Chiaki and it had him panicking. 

The distinct smell of the hospital had his head reeling, in contrast to the polluted streets; he didn’t know what to make of it. Every single detail here had been colored white and blue. A clean world different from his own.

A female nurse came towards him with a sweet smile. “You brought in the unconscious boy, right?” He was about to speak but he noticed her eyes weren’t focused on him but the man.

“That’s right. His name is…” The man looked at him.

“Chiaki. Is he okay?” His voice was caught in his throat; he couldn’t ask what he dreaded.

“He’s stable, he will need to stay the night for observation and will need some time to recover.” The nurse smiled again. “Would you like to see him?”

“Yes…” Staying the night? Chiaki was right, how would they be able to afford this? A hand rested on his back as he stood, he looked at the older man who offered him a kind smile.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of everything.” He couldn’t understand this man’s generosity. Chiaki had once told him that nothing is for free. It had him wondering if he would have to do the same for what Chiaki did to the baker. But this wasn’t just a piece of bread.

Both of them were led to a small room, the older man stood outside as he went inside. Seeing Chiaki hooked up but awake had his face struggling to smile. Without a word, he crept into the small bed and hugged Chiaki. “I was so afraid. I am afraid.”

Chiaki held him back weakly; no words came from him though. And he knew that Chiaki was angry with him, for bringing him here. Making them in debt, Chiaki hated that.

The door opened, the older man walked in. “I hope I’m not intruding.”

A glare from Chiaki made the man laugh. He curled against the well-known warmth, afraid to meet the man’s eye.

“What do you want?” Chiaki gritted out.

But the man was not fazed by it. “I can see that you both are in a difficult position and I’m here to help.”

Chiaki scoffed.

“I can offer you both shelter, pay for your medical bills in exchange for services.”

“Services.” Chiaki snapped back, the grip no longer weak on him, it had become painfully tight. Service had meant only one thing to Chiaki. He had to admit he had faltered at hearing the word himself. But he would be willing to do whatever the older man wanted him to do. Especially if it meant a place to rest, away from the cold, the cruel world that he had grown tired of knowing.

“Help around my house. Cleaning, preparing meals, tasks like that.”

To him it sounded like a dream come true. A home. With Chiaki. His fantasy of waking up in a clean warm bed every morning with Chiaki holding him, loving him. Making love to him.

That night, he never left Chiaki’s hold. In and out of sleep. He had dreams of Chiaki and him. A replay of their love making from last night, played over in his mind constantly. He could, he would, never get enough of it. Again he wanted to feel the burning passion between them without haunting eyes.

Waking up in the middle of the night, he felt rested. Chiaki had been asleep awhile; the nurse kept injecting drugs into his IV. He assumed they made him that way, painless. It was good, but he missed talking to Chiaki. And seeing his eyes. 

“I love you.” He whispered it over and over again. Thinking that if he said it enough, Chiaki would come out of his trance and repeat the words back.

The closeness, the warmth, and his longing, it had an effect on his body. He rubbed himself on Chiaki’s thigh; he clutched the rough fabric of Chiaki’s hospital gown. Muffling his moans on Chiaki’s shoulder so that the only sound to be heard—the constant beeps from the monitor next to the bed.

Only a few more movements and he had that same familiar heat pool into his body. Moving his mouth to Chiaki’s neck, he placed a kiss, his lips spreading wide into a silent scream as his body shuddered. 

With shaking legs, he untangled himself from the bed and made his way into the restroom connected to the room. Inside he cleaned up and went about his business. Now he had an overwhelming sense of guilt. Being so close to Chiaki, he could no longer control himself. What would Chiaki think if he had been awake? Would he push him away?

Staring at his reflection, he took in his appearance. Even after having a shower yesterday, his hair was matted, eyes drooping, what he saw, he didn’t know how to react. He thought Chiaki was beautiful but himself, it was hard to stare into his own eyes.

He turned away.

Crawling back into Chiaki’s embrace, he realized that Chiaki was awake. He had his back to Chiaki’s chest, he wanted to ask if his wounds were okay, if he was comfortable but he couldn’t. All he could feel was his inner conscious eating away at his feelings.

He just wanted it all to be fine, he needed the reassurance.

“It’s okay. It will be okay.” He heard Chiaki murmur into his ear, his sluggish voice held nothing artificial. Chiaki was real. What they had was real.

It was then that he realized Chiaki had become his soul mate. And he would do anything for Chiaki.

 

*

 

The next morning, Chiaki and him were offered new clothing, the fabric itched his skin but he was grateful to the man. Sitting in the back of the nicest car he had ever seen, Chiaki held his hand, still weak, still drugged.

One hand intertwined with Chiaki’s, the other kept running over his own thigh, he blamed his nerves. Willing his hand to stop movement, he gazed out the window.

Watching the scenery fade by quickly, he was mesmerized. This was new to them, yet Chiaki seemed to not care. Chiaki’s kept his eyes on the man that had still not given them his name. He knew the only reason Chiaki agreed to do this—Chiaki felt he had no choice.

Exiting the car, they stood in front of a mansion, they went inside with the older man; him excited, Chiaki reluctant. 

In hope of a new future, his lips twitched up, eyes on Chiaki.


	3. Chapter 3

The walls seemed to stretch on forever; he thought that one day he would lose himself amidst them. He set out to explore the grounds and found himself regretting it. Chiaki had fallen ill; he had been bedridden for the day, so he let Chiaki rest. 

So far the older man had been true to his word, they had a place to live and were given food and care. He had done nothing but clean and learn how to cook to the older man’s liking. 

Days and days had gone by, in the kitchen hung a calendar but he didn’t know how long or what the day was, so it was mostly useless. It only seemed that Chiaki’s condition had become progressively worse. He was beginning to worry; at night he held Chiaki’s heated hand, cooling his forehead with a wet towel.

During the day he had made it a habit to disappear from the older man’s wandering eyes. Once he could feel his gaze on him that it made the skin prickle on his neck in fear. The longer Chiaki stayed in his own world the more he wished he could join Chiaki.

It was becoming clear that such luxuries as a clean bed come with a price. But he still was foolish that he did nothing.

After checking up on Chiaki, he went downstairs to start on his chores but the older man stood at the bottom of the staircase, his hand raised.

“Would you be so kind to join me for a cup of tea?”

He glanced back up at the stairs, as if asking Chiaki for approval before nodding his head. Having no right to decline the generous man. Either way a shiver ran over him and he couldn’t help but shudder. If only Chiaki would just wake up.

The room he was brought to seemed far more elegant for the rest of the house. Decorative pillows spread about on the floor, a tiny tea table with flower designs carved into it, though he didn’t know which flower.

He sat, surprised that the older man poured him tea first, he smiled and gave a nod while accepting the cup. Holding the delicate china in his hand, he felt even more vulnerable. All he could think to do was take a sip. In his short life, he had hardly obtained water let alone tea. Having no idea what flavor, he didn’t worry about it. The taste stayed on his tongue and made him hum in pleasure.

“You enjoy tea do you?” the older man smirked behind his cup before indulging in the fragrant liquid. 

“It is delicious, thank you,” he bowed his head, afraid that he may be projecting the wrong manners. 

He favored it so much that the cup became empty in a matter of minutes. A smile stayed on his lips, he imagined it would hurt to have his lips curled up for so long but felt nothing. Did the flavor of tea really please him this greatly?

All of the sudden he heard a clatter; it took him a scattered moment to realize that he had dropped the teacup. He was about to apologize but found his mouth dry; the world around him began to sway. The lights in the room blurring into a beautiful image, but surely not normal.

He fell back against the pillows his body had become heavy. Landing his eyes on the older man he saw him still looking pleased. The fear that had been there before had become apparent once again.

“Oh, Toshiya. I couldn’t wait any longer,” the older man came closer he thought, it was hard to tell through his chaotic vision. Warmth covered him, whispers in his ear; yes the older man was very close. Completely breaching his comfort zone, he needed Chiaki. Wait, the older man called him Toshiya…

“Your little companion has caused me enough trouble over the years, now he will meet his end. Such a tragedy really,” the rambling continued but he tuned it out. He could feel bile coming up his throat, every inch of his skin crawling from the man’s touch. No matter how hard he tried, his body refused to budge under the weight. So weak, always dragging along.

So confused.

Chiaki?

Again he tried to break free; somehow he ended up on his stomach, clawing at the tatami mat, trying to get away. All to end up in failure, hands tugged loosened his clothes. No, he couldn’t. 

“Please stop!” 

No matter how hard he tried to scream it only came out as a wheezing murmur. He had brought this upon them. He knew that Chiaki knew best, yet he went against his wishes. Went to the hospital. Stepping into this house seeking help. Only to end up on the floor helpless, at the mercy of a stranger who called him by a name that Chiaki barely even used, how did he know his name? Chiaki, oh poor Chiaki, upstairs…all alone and if what the older man said was true, dying.

A long time ago he had accepted his darkened fate, but it was always to end by Chiaki’s side, not like this. Each touch from the man made him squirm in disgust, his clothes were shredded, and he knew what was to come. He tried to mentally prepare himself.

Though he would never had been ready for the assault on him. With each painful brutal thrust tearing at his insides, all he could keep his focus on was Chiaki. At one point the man flipped him around until they were facing each other. Making his image of Chiaki fade away. Not that it mattered, because Chiaki would be gentle, not like a monster.

The corners of his vision were fading to black; he embraced it. But again Chiaki was there, standing behind the man. He looked so real, but then he remembered what the older man had said. He wept.

Then everything came to a halt, the darkness began to fade and now he really did believe that Chiaki was there with him. Holding a silver vase tainted with red, Chiaki looked spiteful. In an instant, he could feel himself pressed against that hard body that he had come to love, knowing every curve and muscle by heart. 

“Totchi, fuck, Totchi,” Chiaki sobbed into his ear, he didn’t know why he was so upset. They were back together and Chiaki was alive!

Chiaki fell against him, a wet breath tickling his ear. Within an instant he had his arms wrapped tightly around Chiaki. The wetness on his ear dripped down his neck, bringing up his fingers he trailed through the substance on his neck. Looking at his hand, it was covered in blood. Red everywhere.

Down on the floor, the man was covered in it. Chiaki.

“Are you okay?”

“Fuck Totchi! I should be asking you that!” Chiaki shouted at him, he cowered, hiding in the crook of Chiaki’s neck. “I’m sorry Totchi, I’m sorry. I’m freaking out right now okay?”

The feeling of pain surged through his body; he had forgotten what the man had done to him. He wanted Chiaki again, to take away the touches left behind and the feeling of the older man inside of him; “I need you, right now. Please.”

“Totchi, stop. I think you’re in shock.”

“No, I’m fine. I’ll be fine, please…” he could feel tears running down his face, but even with blurry vision, his eyes pleaded with Chiaki. 

“Toshiya! I just killed a man! Can you give me a fucking moment?” Chiaki shouted at him again, even pushed his body away. He fell to the ground, his legs weakened by the assault, now he was shocked. That Chiaki had used such force on him, when he needed Chiaki the most

For once, he needed to be there for Chiaki, he stood on shaking legs, “Let’s go upstairs, be together one last time and let that be it.”

Chiaki stopped grabbing at his hair and looked at him, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“We have nothing to live for! I’m tired of walking and walking. Watching you…watching you sacrifice for others. It’s no way to live!”

“I knew this shit would happen! You should have fucking listened to me!” Chiaki screamed again, he couldn’t help but cover his ears and continue to release his tears.

“Why aren’t you listening to me?” he shouted back, “I’m done!”

“You’re fucking insane! Look at you! You were just fucking raped by some old fucking man! And now you’re standing there naked and bleeding, asking me to fuck you and what? Off ourselves right after?” Chiaki’s eyes were wide, waving around his hands to make a point, and a tone that hurt him completely.

He couldn’t take it, this whole time he had held on to Chiaki, loved him more than life itself. The whole time, Chiaki thought of him as a burden…mentally unstable. Just a nuisance. 

“Why are you doing this?” he whispered, his whole world shattered. Let death come to him now, he didn’t want to suffer anymore.

“Totchi, I didn’t mean it,” Chiaki reached out to him but he couldn’t help but flinch away. The damage had been done he knew the truth now. “I told you, I needed a fucking minute. We need to get the fuck out of here.”

Chiaki moved around the room, digging through drawers, Chiaki found a blue kimono and threw it at him, “Put it on.”

Having nothing else left to cling on to, he reluctantly put on the kimono, but his tears never ceased. He stood still, waiting. Chiaki came up to him, arms around him again, light kisses in his hair, “I’m really sorry, Totchi. You know I love you, right?”

His heart stopped beating for a moment, “You mean it?”

“Of course,” Chiaki brought their lips together, it was then he realized his whole body was shaking, as their lips connected his body began to steady itself, “now we really need to get the fuck out of here, okay?”

“Say it again,” he whispered against those lips.

“I love you,” Chiaki kissed him again before pulling away.

He took one look at the body on the floor, a bloody mess all around. It looked as if Chiaki kept going when the older man had already died. Seeing it now, with clear vision, it made his stomach sink at what Chiaki had become capable of. How could they possibly run away from this?

Before he knew what was happening, he hit the floor, thankfully away from the blobs of gore. His breathing had been restricted, but Chiaki was there in a second, holding his face between his hands, their foreheads touching, “Calm down, Totchi. It’ll be okay. I got you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this written up forever but kept changing the ending multiple times. (One where Chiaki died...) But I couldn't be satisfied lol. Oh well, I'm going to post it before I never do. Tada.  
> I hope to get back into writing soon....

**Author's Note:**

> I love this odd pairing and this fic.  
> <3


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